In one sentence, if I were to describe what causes me the most headache, it’s the dilemma encapsulated in the title.
Do you know that feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction when you’ve worked hard for something and finally see results? That’s the high we often chase. However, when we achieve something with relatively low effort, it can feel as if it’s not worth it. It almost feels too easy to be worth our time, though that might not necessarily be true.
So, let me spill the tea as I share my recent (maybe stupid) decisions related to this phenomenon and explore what actually happens in our reasoning when we face these situations (or at least in mine).
Why we want things we cannot get?
First and foremost, after a bit of Googling, I discovered that our inclination towards pursuing things that are relatively hard to reach often boils down to various psychological concepts. Here are a few to consider (by the way, if you have more academic insights on this, feel free to comment below!):
- Avoidance motivation – This concept revolves around the tendency to avoid expending energy on tasks that seem too easy, as they lack the sense of accomplishment or achievement upon completion. Take washing dishes, for example.
- Feeling a sense of purpose – Personally, I find that committing to a larger goal or project instills a some sense of purpose. It’s easier to structure your days, knowing what you’re working towards, which ultimately provides a sense of control, stability, and peace of mind as you witness your progress day after day. Agree?
- Perfectionism – The desire to tackle challenging tasks and achieve significant milestones is a clear and loud manifestation of striving for personal excellence. It’s about becoming the best version of yourself, which extends to various aspects of life.
- Personal growth – Pursuing difficult tasks serves as a means of self-validation and evidence collection, confirming your capabilities and beliefs. It also implies a reluctance to settle for an easy, stagnant life. Obviously, progress is essential for a fulfilling life, and often, it requires embracing challenges that push you forward. However, the question arises: when are you making things too hard for yourself?
The paradox of choice leading to foregoing great opportunities
Okay, enough with the “theory”; it’s story time.
I know that I’ll probably receive some criticism for sharing what follows, but I believe it’s a perfect illustration of a phenomenon where we subconsciously prioritise alternatives based on their perceived difficulty (and that way on their attractiveness), leading us to turn down objectively great opportunities.
The reason I’m particularly interested in this topic is due to situations I’ve encountered a couple of times in the past months. Specifically, I’ve been actively job hunting in a specific industry and across multiple locations. I know the skills I want to develop, the direction I want my career to take, and the locations that make sense for me to relocate to. However, what this strong sense of direction has led me to do is reject objectively great opportunities – btw which is not so easy as it sounds.
So, when evaluating job prospects, I consider three main criteria: location, the type of work and skills to be developed, and compensation. If the compensation is too low or the location requires undesired relocation, the option is often a no-go. Ultimately, the most crucial factor for me is the opportunity to develop new skills. If I’m not learning and growing, it is a waste of time.
We all weigh our options more or less similarly when presented with new opportunities. Of course, sometimes we don’t have the luxury of choice, and we must seize the first opportunity that comes our way. However, what I’m addressing here is the situation when you suddenly have multiple good options, none of which align perfectly with your goals. This is where the paradox of choice comes in.
With too many alternatives, you begin to overthink and struggle to make the best decision with limited information. Take, for instance, situations where I was offered a decent job at a prestigious organization with average compensation in an okay location. Should be easy decision when you have no other alternatives, no?
However, it’s crazy how pretty much always when I’m about to accept one offer, multiple others seem to appear out of the blue. (I think this must be some kind of law of physics almost as it happens way too often :D). This clearly leads to a situation that I start to compare them and suddenly I am in a kind of a decision paralysis. You know what I mean?
So, what happened is that I indeed turned down a great opportunity because I was told that a “better” one was on the horizon, only for the situation to reverse and leading me to lose them all.
It is crazy how I rejected an option that many, including me in the ‘calm waters’, would envy but I said ‘no’ simply because it felt too easy to obtain. The crazy part? I only realised this afterward; I had let go of a great opportunity due to an unwarranted belief that it should have been more difficult to attain. Isn’t that absurd? Often, we’re defiantly our own worst enemies.
So, what should you do? Take it easy or go all in?
Finally, you might be asking, should you take the first option and the so-called easy way or keep chasing the sometimes even impossible but more desired road?
Well, as I illustrated, it’s not that the ‘easy way’ is always somehow a bad option. Rather, it might often be the smartest and fastest way to move forward. As they say, if you don’t like the situation, especially when it comes to work, you can walk away and pursue an alternative. What’s the worst that could happen from securing your back in the first place?
Ultimately, it depends on the opportunity cost of your decision and your non-negotiables. You know the answer. Don’t let something that is possible but not yet materialized stop you from chasing the best alternative you have today.
Would be great if I just followed my own advice..
