Moving abroad is for anyone a character and life changing moment. It can be an exciting fresh start but equally a very challenging new beginning.

You leave behind everything you know as normal and familiar and dive into a completely different reality, language, habits, values, and way of doing things.

No matter how far you move, something always changes.

And when you do it enough times, willingly or not so willingly, you arrive at a point where you have a rich story and a culturally aware character but also you might start to feel more international than a citizen of any of the countries you have actually lived in.

That is what living across different places, countries, and job titles does to you over time.

More than anything, living across four countries has built my character and resilience for pretty much anything, but I also genuinely think it gave me a better life in absolute terms too.

So what I wanted to write about in this one is something I wish I had read ten years ago when I first moved away from my home country.

This is not an expat guide, but more like an honest account of what building a life across four countries actually looks and feels like from the inside:

• What the disorientation does to you and what it slowly builds in you at the same time.

• What it actually takes to build a career, start businesses, and create something real in places and markets that are not yours.

• And after enough years on the go, what comes next. Is this the lifestyle now or is there something else on the other side of it?

This is for anyone who has ever felt in between.

In between cities, countries, job titles, or versions of themselves, and especially for that 20 year old moving abroad for the first time without much of a grand plan.

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The shock nobody prepares you for

First things first: moving is always emotional in one way or another and it forces you to grow.

What the amazing pictures, stories, and movies never disclaim is how hard the identity shift can be when everything familiar disappears and every person you would normally call in a moment of doubt is suddenly thousands of kilometres away.

When thinking back to the first time I moved abroad for university to the Netherlands, I think I handled it pretty well.

Well, I gave myself no other choice than to make it work tbh.

Genuinely though, that first year living alone without any support around you, the shock is real and I do not think anything or anyone could have prepared me for it.

It is just something you need to go through on your own.

A bit out of context but I think there is a funny analogy that actually applies here:

Moving abroad is like starting a Substack. At the beginning you have no clue how it works, you know no one, and you just have to figure it out and show up day after day even when there is no guarantee you will eventually succeed or start to feel at home.

Completely different thing, yet the underlying lesson is the same for any personal breakthrough: you have to live through the hard times (sorry no easy way out here).

It will feel lonely and disorienting, and you will have to build your home, your network, and your habits from scratch in a completely new environment.

And if there is one thing that experience has taught me though, it is that one day you arrive on the other side of it, proud of yourself for doing it, realising how much it built you.

So for the beginning, that is the thing to keep in mind. Just keep going.

Building without belonging

Okay so you moved to another country for a job, love, or pure change of scenery and then day two arrives and you actually have to do something with it.

It will not feel easy at first and you will not feel immediately at ease, which is just the reality of it and no amount of preparation really changes that first stretch of disorientation.

I have moved four times and tried a fifth (did not work out because I did not get the job I needed for the visa), and every single time I had to build the foundations from scratch without being a local, without an inherited network, and without anyone who already knew me or owed me anything.

And every single time the thing that moved things forward was the same: daring to ask for help.

Ask for the job, ask for the referral, ask for the introduction, because people are far more open than you think when you are direct and genuine about what you are trying to do.

That applies to finding work, building a business, and finding your people.

The ones who struggle longest abroad are almost always the ones who wait to be found rather than going out and asking (been there).

I really think that is the biggest secret to successfully building anything.

What I have also learned is that not being a local is not the disadvantage it feels like.

Nobody knows you yet and not even you know yet who the version of you in this new environment is going to be, which is actually a clean sheet of paper and rarer than it sounds.

Take advantage of it and be bolder than you would be at home because the social stakes are lower and the upside is everything.

Ten years, four countries, two businesses, none of it built with the support I had when I left home, which just goes to show that you can keep building even when you keep moving as long as you are willing to ask for help and keep going anyway.

Reminder: difficult is not same as impossible.

What comes after?

And then there is the part of the story that every auntie asks about at the Christmas table:

when are you coming back home.

That one is a tricky question because home is a subjective concept, especially when you have lived and created a sense of it in so many different places.

Having spent years abroad and constantly on the go, you arrive at a point where you genuinely do not know the answer anymore.

Whether to return, go somewhere new, or stay where you are.

And I think that is actually okay, because what all of it teaches you is to find your home and your purpose in the moment and the place where you currently are, even when it is not perfect in every possible sense.

So what I would say to the 20 year old who wants to know how the story will be written is this:

focus on doing the thing you genuinely want to do and on becoming the person you want to become. Say no when you want to say no, but dare to go where you want to go and do what you actually want to do.

When you make decisions that feel right today you cannot end up completely wrong, because you can always course correct and you know by now that you can survive and make it work.

After all, it is not as serious as it feels in the moment. Enjoy the ride, and that is when the nonlinear global story starts to make sense, because if you always did what you genuinely wanted to do, what crisis could there really be?

You are just being true to yourself. And isn’t that the whole point?

x Maria

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“Some days it is all just almost too much to handle. Like, where do I even focus. I have never pulled anything like this off before. I do not know how to do it or where to even start.”

This was a conversation I had recently with an entrepreneur friend, someone who has already figured most of it out to the point of making serious stable revenue and who always seems to have it completely together from the outside.

So having this conversation was definitely an eye opener, in two ways.

First, tg I am not the only one who feels like they are doing something completely new and borderline crazy with no previous experience to fall back on.

Second, and maybe more importantly, this is a feeling I need to learn to get comfortable with because it is not going away. It comes in waves and you just have to keep going anyway.

No matter whether you are already building your first high stakes business or seriously thinking about making the jump from corporate, this tends to be the part nobody prepares you for.

The moment the structure disappears and you are completely on your own.

Which means a few very specific things.

1. No one is coming to save you.

2. You need to learn to manage others and yourself, and fast.

3. Nobody is going to run a performance review for you so you have to learn to identify your own blind spots and limits.

4. The decision fatigue is real but you still have to execute with urgency and without hesitation.

I talked through my own experience with my friend on all of these and the advice he gave me is something I think is valuable to anyone whose progress is mainly self-driven.

So here is the conversation we had.

Every Sunday I publish an episode of The Build, a series following my journey of building from scratch and more than anything trying and learning. In the previous episodes I shared the story of how I got to entrepreneurship, what the reality of running a side business alongside a full time job actually looks like, how the failures are an inevitable part of the journey, and how the first months of building Unelma have been and what is the brand strategy behind it. In this one I dive into what nobody really prepares you for when you start building something: learning to manage yourself when there is no one else to tell you what to do or how to spend your time.

On Wednesdays, I write about creating your path - style, mindset and career wise. I would love to have you follow along!

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No one is coming to save you

The first thing is to face and accept reality.

There is a lot of glory around quitting your corporate job and going after your idea, and not so much about what actually happens the Monday after.

If you have spent years inside a structured environment you have been training for a very specific game.

Rules, frameworks, a manager to approve things, deadlines set by someone else, a time to clock out. You get good at operating inside the system without ever realising how much your brain has been conditioned to rely on that structural safety net.

You think you have autonomy and ownership but at the end of the day, do you really?

The moment you step outside of it none of that exists anymore.

No rulebook, no approval process, no HR course to complete, no one to tell you what to do next or back you when things go wrong. Just you and whatever the next decision is.

What makes it hard is not the workload. Rather, it is the absence of any external signal telling you that you are on the right track.

The promotions and performance reviews are gone and all you have are outcomes that are entirely yours to own.

And that is where most of us freak out a little, not because we are not capable but because nothing in the previous chapter prepared us for managing the whole thing without a map.

So I asked my friend directly: how do you deal with all of it? How do you know where to focus, how to manage your time, make decisions, and negotiate with people who are far more experienced than you? How do you create that CEO kind of assurance and mentality?

You are now your own manager

Once you accept that you are on your own, the second thing that tends to overwhelm most people is something as simple as time management.

What should I do today. How do I prioritise. Everything feels important. Where do I even start???

Nobody tells you what to work on, nobody prioritises for you, and nobody notices if you spend three hours on something that does not matter.

You have to figure that out yourself every single day.

What my friend said on this was pretty simple.

If you have no business, you have no business.

Before anything else you need to get the basics right.

Is your offering clear? Do you know your numbers? Do you have clients in the pipeline or at least know how to get them and who they are? If not, everything else is just decoration.

The overwhelm in this comes from wanting everything to be perfect while not yet having the knowledge or means to make it so.

And the answer is not to do more.

It is to clearly separate what actually moves the business forward from what is just polishing and nice to have.

Build your offering, your client base, and your operations to a minimum working point first. Everything else can wait.

Practically that means planning your time on a weekly basis and revising it daily, avoiding multitasking, and focusing on one thing at the micro level each day.

And that already requires far more proactivity and self management than most corporate roles ever demanded. So, if you were not good at it before, now you will have no choice than become good at it.

Nobody runs your performance review

Personally I think the hardest part is evaluating yourself and recognising your own blind spots before they cost you.

When there is no one to catch your mistakes you have to build your own feedback loop, and that means being honest with yourself in a way that is surprisingly difficult when the stakes are entirely yours.

You will avoid certain things because everyone does.

The uncomfortable call, the financial model you are not sure about, the decision you keep postponing because you are not ready to know the answer.

In corporate life someone eventually forces your hand. In entrepreneurship nobody does, unless you have a co-founder with the right match, which genuinely helps more than most people realise.

But even then you have to force your own hand regularly and on purpose.

Seek outside perspective, ask people who will actually tell you the truth rather than what you want to hear, and build in moments to step back and look at what is really happening versus what you want to believe is happening.

That gap is where most people quietly lose ground without ever realising it.

And then there is the other side of this that my friend was very direct about.

You need to learn to be tough.

If you give in too easily people will take advantage and if you compromise too much they will always push for more. You need to set boundaries from the very first conversation and mean them.

If you are someone who does not enjoy confrontation this is hard.

It does not mean you need to be a jerk but you do need to stand behind your position.

Practically, you mostly learn this through trial and error.

But to build that perspective faster, something like Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss is worth reading, or simply talking to someone who negotiates well and asking them how they approach it.

What also helps, and this might sound strange, is having a business alter ego.

A version of you that handles the tough calls and negotiations while the real you stays intact in private.

You are not becoming a different person. Instead, you are just reminding yourself that in a business context it is the alter ego stepping in, which makes it easier to hold the line without feeling like you are compromising who you are.

The decision fatigue is real but you still have to move

And finally, how to make decisions with limited information when you genuinely do not know which direction to go.

The challenge is that pretty much every decision falls on you: the big strategic ones and the completely mundane ones.

What software to use, what email to send first, whether to take that meeting. All of it, all the time, with no one to sanity check you or share the load.

And that adds up faster than you expect, but the way through it is not making fewer decisions but making the important ones when your energy is highest and letting the small ones be small.

Not everything deserves the same amount of thinking and most things deserve far less than you give them.

What my friend said on this one was simple but genuinely powerful.

Sleep well and make the complex, critical decisions in the hours when your mind is fresh and your energy is high. And never make important business decisions after 10pm. Do not trust your mind in business at night.

Simple advice but the kind that will save you from a few unnecessary breakdowns.

The decisions that feel impossible at midnight often look completely different in the morning, and the ones you make when you are exhausted and overwhelmed are rarely the ones you would stand behind a week later.

What actually helps

So as you can see, the advice from my entrepreneur friend on how to manage all of this was not about a 5am morning club routine with sound baths and affirmations.

It is about accepting the absence of any pre-approved structure and building your own.

Pretty much anything can work if you make it work, but what everything needs to work is clear priorities, a system for when and how things get done, honest outside perspective that challenges you, thick skin for the negotiations, and the willingness to create a tougher version of yourself for the moments that require it.

And please, sleep well and understand how your energy flows throughout the day and work with that rather than against it.

As you can see, none of these are groundbreaking new ideas. But they are simple, actionable things that actually affect your performance and confidence when you are doing something new, overwhelming, and entirely your own.

At the end of the day, as much as we love colour coded systems, productivity software, and aesthetically pleasing planners, usually all you actually need is a pen, a piece of paper for clarity, and some thickness in your character for the negotiations.

And my friend still feels the overwhelm every time something new comes up that he has never done before.

The feeling does not go away. You just get better at not letting it stop you.

You just have to keep going long enough to become the person who knows how to do this. And the only way to become that person is to already be doing it before you feel ready.

So keep going.

x Maria

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When I was a kid I wanted to be an Olympic athlete, a president, an astronaut, a businesswoman, a lawyer.

Not because of any external pressure or expectations from others but because of my own internal drive to reach a level of excellence at something I found genuinely interesting and where I felt I could be good.

Needless to say, the president, astronaut, and Olympic athlete options are off the table at this point, but the same level of internal desire to keep learning and challenging myself is not.

Quite the opposite.

By 31 I have lived in five countries, speak four languages, studied law and pivoted to business, found my way into organisations that were competitive to get into, and realised that entrepreneurship is and has always been my thing. And my plans from here are even bigger.

I acknowledge that for some these might sound like “you have done nothing special” or, alternatively, like an obsessive pursuit of external stamps of approval, but for me they have always been part of a constant drive to evolve, challenge myself, and improve.

That pursuit is genuinely where my energy comes from.

I guess I could call myself a high achiever.

Someone who aims high, expects a lot from themselves, and finds too much predictability and stability the opposite of a life worth living. Someone who does not compare or compete with others but is focused entirely on being better than yesterday.

(For the record, I was once told in an interview at one of the toughest companies to get into that I was not ambitious enough. Which, as you can see, just proves that there is always more you can be but also that other people's opinions are not the absolute truth.)

But sometimes, when things get tough and there is no clear path ahead, I do wish I was more normal.

Normal in the sense that the conventional way of doing things would be enough. The day after day predictability. Just following the script, you know what I mean.

But it is not enough and has never been, and that is what this one is about.

About the constant push and pull of going forward and challenging yourself. What it actually costs. What it asks of you. And why, despite all of that, moving is the only real option when staying still too long means you are no longer learning or growing.

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The gift nobody warns you about

Everyone wants to be in great shape, to be intelligent and educated, to have a successful business, to work at the best firms, to be well groomed, to have the wardrobe, the character, the manners.

The list goes on.

These things, when observed from the outside, are what many people want in one form or another. But equally, many never achieve them because wanting is not the same as actually going after them.

To achieve something that is not handed to you or gained overnight takes time, discipline, boring consistency, and the tolerance for uncertainty about whether any of it will work out.

That is where most people decide they are fine without. Which, honestly, is completely valid. The more content you can be here and now without constantly pursuing something, the more at ease and stress free life probably feels.

But then there are those who keep showing up anyway. Who keep chasing, keep claiming what they feel so strongly belongs to them.

They are a different breed.

Not better, not worse. Just different.

Different because they have what I would call a natural gift of forward momentum.

A drive that does not let them stay too long with the status quo, that makes staying still feel like going backwards.

That same drive, from the other side, is also restlessness. A constant sense that there is more to do, more to become, more to figure out.

But, when you have that gift it comes with real responsibility.

Responsibility toward yourself to stay in balance.

Because if you ignore it you end up miserable in a life that looks completely fine from the outside but feels nothing. And if you let it consume you entirely, you burn out.

It is a gift everyone admires from a distance but nobody warns you what it actually costs and asks of you.

The cost nobody talks about

1. You will lose people along the way

The first thing that tends to happen when you keep doing things off the script is that not everyone understands why. Even people close to you might not agree with your choices or your plans.

And that is fine. They do not have to.

But if you are serious about going after what you want, this is one of the costs you will almost certainly pay.

You might lose friends and people around you simply because you no longer speak the same language. Not because anyone did anything wrong but because the path you are choosing is genuinely difficult to relate to if you are not on it yourself.

First lesson: you cannot be a people pleaser. Not to everyone.

2. The loneliness of walking a path most people around you are not

The second thing that comes with going after your own path is the occasional feeling of loneliness.

Not because you lack social connections or people who care about you, but because finding people with the same mindset, drive, and interests is genuinely hard, especially if you have moved around or live somewhere smaller.

What I hear from many people like this is that at some point you would rather spend time alone than be around people who just do not get it.

And again, it is not that others are doing something wrong.

It is that you are choosing such a specific path that it is hard to find people who genuinely relate, but your people are out there.

Lesson 2: You just have to keep looking, and equally, keep saying no to the invitations and situations that give you nothing.

3. The moments of doubt that hit harder because you expect so much from yourself

Most of the success stories we see around us are never actually overnight successes.

They just get told that way because the years of build up and preparation do not make a good story. Which means it is easy to forget that pretty much everyone who has ever built or created something meaningful has faced serious moments of doubt along the way, often for years, with no visible results to show for the effort.

The flip side of being a high achiever is that those moments hit differently.

Because you expect so much from yourself, the periods where nothing has materialised yet are not just uncomfortable.

They are genuinely hard to sit through, but you have to sit through them.

Lesson 3: Because going back to the normal stability is not really an option. Not because you cannot, but because you know you would end up right back at the same point eventually anyway.

4. The exhaustion of never quite feeling like enough even when things are going well

And then maybe the biggest one.

When you demand a lot from yourself, you might find that you never quite arrive.

No achievement, no finish line, no recognition ever fully feels like you made it.

Yes, they feel good. You are genuinely proud and happy about them.

But equally, it never feels like the final destination because it is not in your nature to stop there. The drive that got you here is already pointing at the next thing.

Which is why it is worth accepting early that this is not about arriving. It is about the pursuit itself.

Lesson 4: The constant progress is the point. And the joy has to come from the smaller everyday things along the way, not just the big milestones, because the big milestones will always lead to new ones.

That is not a flaw. That is just how this particular engine runs.

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The comparison trap

I mentioned earlier how being a high achiever is really about the race with yourself, the drive to be better than the earlier version of you rather than better than anyone else.

But that does not mean that watching others you admire succeed, when you have not yet, leaves you completely unmoved.

There is a specific kind of pain that comes with being a high achiever who has not arrived yet.

It is not envy toward the people succeeding.

If anything you are genuinely happy for them because their success proves that what you are after is possible and gives you someone to learn from.

But it does awaken something else.

A kind of envy toward the future version of yourself. The one who has done it. The one you know you are capable of becoming but are simply not yet.

And so you compare.

Not downward, not laterally, but upward.

Toward the version of yourself that the success of others reminds you is possible.

And that comparison creates a very particular kind of impatience. A why have I not done it yet feeling that is hard to shake.

The irony is that high achievers are often the worst at giving themselves credit for how far they have already come.

As long as you have been boldly and consistently pursuing your path you have made real progress.

You are probably today someone you once wanted to be, but you do not see it because you are always looking at where you are not yet rather than where you started from.

The takeaway is not to stop comparing. That is not realistic.

Rather, it is to be aware of what is happening when the feeling hits and to remind yourself, deliberately and regularly, of where you started, what you have built, and what you once thought was impossible that you have already done.

Don’t forget that.

The moments you wish you were different

And then there are the days you just wish you could care less.

Care less about building, leveling up, the borderline impossible projects.

On those days the conventional path sounds genuinely appealing. Someone telling you what to do, a clear structure, a predictable tomorrow. No uncertainty, no constant push.

You start thinking of going back to your old job even.

But ironically, on exactly those days you also remember something.

This is a choice.

Nobody is forcing you to reach for the moon. It is just who you are and what you keep choosing.

And when you remember that, you also remember that the stable conventional path is not a bed of roses either. It just comes with different challenges, different costs, a different kind of discomfort.

So after the bad days you pick yourself back up.

Not because you have to, not to impress anyone or prove a point. But because you are just being true to yourself.

Which may come with the high achiever label or not.

You just keep doing you.

Why you keep going anyway

So after all of this, here is the honest version of why you keep going anyway.

You keep going because stopping does not actually feel like rest.

It feels like going backwards.

And for someone built the way you are, backwards is the most uncomfortable direction there is.

But the cost of continuing is real.

The loneliness, the doubt, the exhaustion, the moments where you wish you were different. All of it is real and none of it disappears. But the cost of stopping, of going back to a life that does not use all of you, turns out to be higher.

We can talk about the opportunity costs here.

Which is not a motivational conclusion. It is just the truth of what it means to be wired this way.

You keep going because the alternative was never actually an option.

Not because someone told you to. Not because the outcome is guaranteed, but because moving forward, even when it is hard, even when nothing is visible yet, is the only version of yourself you actually recognise.

And that, in the end, is both the curse and the gift.

x Maria

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I do not think there is one single correct way to build a brand or launch a product.

The strategy that made millions for one can produce zero for the next. A stepped launch, a direct launch, a soft reveal.

All of them can work but what rarely works is launching cold into a room of people who have no idea who you are or why they should care.

Some approaches are more engaging and intriguing than others, but the question worth asking before anything else is: how do you want your audience to feel at every touchpoint along the journey, before and after the launch?

Which is something I have been thinking about a lot while building my lifestyle x gastro brand Unelma from scratch.

One of the best and inspiring examples of getting this right is Merit.

Before anyone knew what the product was they created a visual brand world on Instagram under a handle literally called Mood. No product, no announcement, just a carefully curated aesthetic that communicated the energy, the values, and the feeling they were after.

By the time they revealed what they were actually selling they had already built a significant following of people who were primed to buy before the first drop, which is the kind of launch that actually means something.

And it is the approach I have chosen for Unelma.

So for now the strategy is simple. Build something people resonate with before they even know what they are signing up for, and reveal the rest when the time is right.

Here is the full four step strategy of how I am planning to do it going forward.

Every Sunday I publish an episode of The Build, a series following my journey of building from scratch and more than anything trying and learning. In the previous episodes I shared the story of how I got to entrepreneurship, what the reality of running a side business alongside a full time job actually looks like, how the failures are an inevitable part of the journey, and how the first months of building Unelma have been. In this one I share the brand strategy behind Unelma before the launch. How I am building the world around the brand before revealing what it actually is, and why I chose this approach over just launching cold.

On Wednesdays, I write about creating your path - style, mindset and career wise. I would love to have you follow along!

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Somehow though, at some point, it started to feel that way. Like one single item from the right brand could upgrade your life.

Sure, an item considered luxury carries the perception of having things figured out, at least in some form.

That mind trick is real.

A meaningful purchase can be a genuine milestone and a reminder of the life you are building toward, but eventually the feeling fades. It always does.

And when it does, you are left with one impressive object surrounded by everything else that has not changed, which is why aspiration as a strategy has to go deeper than a single purchase.

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The era of the single status symbol is ending

The consumer is catching on faster than most brands realise.

A new generation of buyers is less impressed by one logo when the rest of the picture does not match, and more interested in a consistently elevated standard across their whole life at price points that actually make that possible and also leave enough untouched to be able to live sustainably.

This is not about settling for less.

It is about being more intentional with more. The question is shifting from what one thing can I buy that signals I have arrived to how do I build a life that actually feels like the one I want.

One 8k bag while budgeting everything else or a considered, elevated standard across every area of life?

When you say it out loud the answer is obvious. The daily environment wins every time because aspiration is not a milestone. It is a practice.

How aspiration became scalable

The most interesting shift happening in consumer culture right now is that aspiration is becoming scalable. Not one ultra luxury item but a consistently considered standard across every touchpoint of daily life.

Think about it.

Merit instead of drugstore makeup. Sandro instead of fast fashion. Erewhon or a premium smoothie instead of a basic one. Silk or linen sheets instead of cotton. A curated bookshelf. The right plates and cups. A good coffee machine. Thoughtful luggage. Missoma instead of costume jewellery. A cashmere cardigan from COS. Aesop in the bathroom. A Pilates class instead of a gym you never go to. Dinner at Langosteria instead of a mediocre restaurant twice as often.

The list goes on.

Clearly, none of these are ultra luxury. However, together they create something more powerful than any single expensive purchase could:

A daily environment of considered choices that over time changes how you see your surroundings, which changes how you think, which changes what you expect from your life, and what you actually end up doing.

And that compounding effect is the real luxury.

What this means if you are building a brand

I really think that at this point of time the mid-premium segment is the most interesting and most underserved place to be right now.

And the opportunity is significant if you are building a brand.

The brands winning in this space are not trying to be the next Hermès. Instead, they are owning the daily aspiration space. They are the brand people reach for when they want their everyday life to feel a little more like the life they are building toward. Accessible enough to actually buy. Considered enough to feel like a real upgrade.

And the strategy is not about price point alone. It is about positioning yourself as the considered choice in your category.

Not ultra luxury but never basic. The brand that belongs in a life that takes itself seriously without taking itself too seriously.

Think about what Aesop did to hand soap. What Rimowa did to luggage. What Oatly did to milk. What COS did to basics.

None of them compete with the top of the market, but all of them own a specific feeling in the daily life of their customer.

So this is the playbook:

1. Find the category where the choice is currently either too expensive or too generic.

2. Build a brand with a genuine, original point of view around it.

3. Position it as the considered daily choice for people who care about how their life feels, not just how it looks on one occasion. Think, feel it before you buy it.

After all, scalable aspiration is not a compromise. It might be the whole opportunity.

x Maria

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“Ideas are cheap. It is all about the execution.”

Not sure who originally said this but it definitely has truth to it.

Pretty much everyone has a great business idea at some point. Many dream about opening something, sketch the brand, the visuals, the offering, and imagine the day it becomes successful enough to run on its own. You open social media and see stories of successful launches and brands that took off, which makes it all look so easy.

But there is another story. One that often goes untold: The gap between the idea and making it real is almost always wider than it looks.

The amount of work, the time, the decisions, the rejections, the moments where nothing moves and you question everything. Especially when you are building something completely from scratch.

And this I have realised more than ever with my newest, biggest, and honestly bravest business I am building: a lifestyle x gastro brand in Zürich. The idea has been clear for a while, the vision is there, but the distance between that and making it actually exist is something else entirely.

So rather than waiting until there is a successful launch to write about, I have chosen to document it as it happens. In real time, before the ending is written, before anything is certain.

This episode is about the early days of building Unelma.

Every Sunday I publish a piece of The Build, a series following my journey of building from scratch and more than anything trying and learning. In the previous episodes I shared the story of how I got to entrepreneurship, what the reality of running a side business alongside a full time job actually looks like, and how the failures are a part of the journey. In this one I share the honest reality of the first months of building a consumer brand from zero. The decisions, the rejections, the things that are not working yet, and what it actually takes to move something forward before anyone knows it exists.

On Wednesdays, I write about creating your path - style, mindset and career wise.

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Ironically, many of us are more self aware about our true passions and what we are actually good at as children than we ever are as adults.

When there are no external expectations shaping our thinking and we have all the time to do whatever we like, we just naturally gravitate toward the things we genuinely enjoy and feel good at. No engineering required, no job description to fit into. As kids we simply know where our real interests and strengths are without needing to overthink it.

That intersection is actually what a zone of genius is about. In other words, what you are naturally gifted at, what feels effortless to you but difficult to others, and what you could do for hours without even noticing time passing.

For me it showed up in two very different places that I only now understand as the same thing.

Designing and visualising spaces was one. I spent hours building houses in the Sims, drawing floor plans in my notebooks, browsing Four Seasons websites just to study the details, reading house and garden magazines because I was genuinely fascinated by how a space could be created to feel a certain way and reflect something specific.

And then there was mathematics. It came so naturally it almost felt like cheating. The logic, the patterns, the satisfaction of arriving at a precise answer.

Two things that looked completely unrelated on the surface but underneath were driven by the same instinct: understanding how things fit together and why. And obviously, nobody asked me to spend hours on either of those things. Nor was there anything to gain from either. Time just disappeared because both felt completely effortless and natural.

But the mistake I made was assuming everyone felt that way about these particular things, so I never paid particular attention to those specific abilities I seemed to have.

Instead, I thought real jobs must feel different somehow. More serious, more earned. So I never really connected the dots until I turned thirty, when someone just casually mentioned their zone of genius and how they were deliberately building their career around it rather than spending energy on things that did not come naturally or that they did not enjoy.

And that got me.

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The question nobody asks

That comment about building a career around your natural strengths might sound obvious.

But then again, how many of us have actually followed through with the strengths and genuine interests we showed as children? How many of us have stopped to ask what if those childhood obsessions were not random?

Because I think that is exactly what they are. Not random but rather the intelligence that shows up before the conditioning starts. Before the grades, before the expectations, before someone tells you that the thing you love is not a real career choice.

What a zone of genius actually is

Funnily, around that same time I heard first about the concept, a friend randomly recommended The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks, the book where it was apparently first introduced.

In its essence the zone of genius is not a skill or a talent. It is the specific combination of intelligence and instinct that makes certain things feel effortless to you and genuinely difficult for most others.

For me that turned out to be logical and creative thinking working together, which suddenly explained why I was equally drawn to mathematics and to designing spaces as a child (and still to certain extent am). Two things that always looked completely unrelated but were driven by the same underlying intelligence all along.

In the book Hendricks divides our abilities into four zones: incompetence, competence, excellence, and genius. The zone of genius is the highest level, where you operate from your deepest natural abilities and do something in a way nobody else quite can.

And here is the best part: All of us have one somewhere.

But equally, the worst part is that most people never find it because they are too busy being good at what is expected of them, too busy doing what they should be doing instead of stopping to ask what they can do better than almost anyone else.

The mistake most of us make

The thing where it often goes sideways is that we look for the zone of genius in a job title, assuming it has to match a specific career or a role that exists somewhere on a job board. But that is not how it works.

It is an underlying intelligence that you apply across different surfaces.

The same one that made me obsessed with floor plans as a child is what shapes how I position a brand and build a strategy around it, write a Substack article, or think about the atmosphere of a business. The surface keeps changing but the intelligence stays exactly the same.

The mistake is looking for it in a role rather than in the pattern. And once you find the pattern, the role almost stops mattering.

So, how to find yours?

I am no expert on this and everyone is different, but I genuinely think that when we stop and ask ourselves a few honest questions, so many of the doubts and confusion start to answer themselves. As long as we keep it honest though.

1. Start with this one: what did you do for hours as a child without anyone asking you to?

   Not what you were told you were good at. Not what got you the best grades. What you just kept going back to on your own, without a reward, without an audience, because it felt natural and time just disappeared.

2. Then ask where that same intelligence shows up in what you do today, even if the context looks completely different.

   Because it almost always does. It might not look the same on the surface but the underlying instinct, the way your mind moves, the thing that feels effortless when everything else feels like effort, that tends to be consistent across everything you have ever done well.

3. The pattern across your whole life is the answer.

   Not the job titles, not the qualifications, not the path that made the most sense on paper. The thread running through all of it, through the things you loved as a child and the things that still come most naturally to you now, that is your zone of genius.

4. And if you are not sure what that thread is yet, write it all down.

   Every project, every hobby, every moment where time disappeared and you felt completely in your element. Eventually, the pattern will show itself.

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What my zone of genius actually is and what am I going to do with it

Mine is what I would call environmental intelligence.

The ability to look at something and immediately sense what it needs to feel like, why, and what needs to change to get it there. Whether that something is a room, a brand, a business, a piece of writing, or how someone shows up professionally. The surface is always different but the intelligence underneath is always the same.

It is what makes me see instinctively why certain firms lose clients before a single meeting happens. Why some spaces feel right the moment you walk in and others just do not, even when everything looks fine on paper. Why some brands command attention without explaining themselves and others disappear into the noise. The gap between how something is and how it actually lands is always visible to me, and so is what needs to happen to close it.

And now, in my 30s, I am finally building around it deliberately.

A physical space for a lifestyle brand designed from the inside out as the most direct expression of it. A strategic advisory practice helping businesses close the gap between how good they are and how clearly that comes across. And Substack as the place where the thinking becomes visible over time.

Three very different surfaces. The same intelligence running through all of them.

Going forward

And now about you. What did you love so completely as a child that you did it for hours without anyone asking?

Not what you were told you were good at. Not what made the most sense on paper. The thing you just kept going back to on your own, with no reward and no audience.

That is not a cute hobby you just had but data. And probably the most honest signal you will ever get about your zone of genius.

Drop it in the comments. I am genuinely curious to hear from you.

- Maria

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Disclaimer: this one is not a success story.

It is a story about all the businesses and projects I have set up and failed at.

Well, with a few exceptions.

What I notice is that not many people openly talk about the ones that went nowhere, and I think that creates a completely distorted picture of what building something actually looks like.

So before I continue this series with what I am actually building right now (a kind of a lifestyle brand in Zürich and Nov-Era), I want to reflect on everything I tried and very much failed at during the years.

And honestly, I have never even listed all of these myself as one complete picture before. Never really stopped to analyse what I actually did over the years on the side of studies and work, and what all of it taught me.

So in a way, this is about connecting the dots - even for myself. This is about understanding the bigger picture, because at the time of doing these things they did not always make sense, especially alongside the more “serious path” I was following.

If anything, this is about making clear that creating anything is a nonlinear process and failure is inevitably part of it. But the silver lining is that there is always something worth taking from each attempt, even when the project itself goes nowhere.

Every Sunday I publish a piece of The Build, a series following my journey of building from scratch and more than anything trying and learning. In the previous episodes I shared the story of how I got to entrepreneurship and what the reality of running a side business alongside a full time job actually looks like. In this one I reflect on the challenges and the failures that are unavoidably shaping the path when you are trying to create something that feels like you.

On Wednesdays, I write about creating your path, style, mindset and career wise.

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These are excuses I have come across when talking about doing something bold.

Some of them are even mine.

And every single one comes down to the same underlying assumption.

You are waiting for someone’s permission.

Someone to give you the sign that the time is right. That you are good enough now to try. Because if you are not perfect and the stars are not aligned in your favor, you should not.

Said who, exactly? When and where was that decided?

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The permission structure we grew up in

For most of our lives there has always been someone telling us what to do and how to do it.

Parents, teachers, peer pressure, bosses.

And that, more than anything, conditions us to believe that things can only happen if someone else gives us permission to try.

Think about it.

Our entire formation is built around external validation and approval. Grades that tell you if you are good enough. Managers who decide if you are ready for the next level. Institutions that hand you credentials to prove your worth.

We are trained from childhood to wait for someone else to confirm that we are allowed.

And this is important to notice: it is not a character flaw. It is conditioning.

Most people never stop to name it because they are too busy looking for the next person to give them the green light.

But the problems start the moment you realise you want something different.

Something that is yours.

Because then you realise that the permission you have been waiting for has to come from you. And that might actually be the hardest permission to get.

After all, you were never trained for leading and deciding. You were trained for listening and executing.

The two paths: control or be controlled

In its simplest form, there are two paths when it comes to making a living.

1. You go to work for other people and become an employee.

2. Or you create your own thing and work for yourself.

Yes, you can combine them, do one then the other, build something on the side. But in its essence, those are the options.

And each requires a completely different mentality.

When you work inside someone else’s company, you are always waiting for permission. You never carry the ultimate decision making power and responsibility.

And that can be both liberating and suffocating, depending on you.

Creating your own path means you are on your own. In the good moments and in the bad ones, which requires a completely different drive and mindset than anything you were trained for.

The identity gap nobody tells you about

So when you one day decide you want to jump from the first path to the second, it is much more than registering a legal entity and doing paperwork.

It is first and foremost a jump of identity.

To do the scary thing, you need to change. You need to become the version who dares to do these things.

And the gap between who you are today and who you need to become to actually pull it off is much bigger than any success story out there will prepare you for. Nobody really seems to document the part before that.

So here is roughly how it actually goes, from my own experience and what I have seen around me:

1. I have been thinking about this idea for what feels like forever. Maybe I should try. But first, what does my partner think? My mom? The people who follow me? That person I met once at a party ten years ago whose name I cannot even remember but who will definitely have an opinion.

2. Okay, who cares. If others can do it so can I. Let’s go.

3. I am so excited. The energy is there. The vision is clear. This is the moment.

4. Wait. There are so many things to figure out and I genuinely have no idea what I am doing. I will just go day by day. I can do this.

5. Nothing is moving. Everyone says no. I am tired. I think I am delusional. Where did I get this broken gene that makes me keep challenging myself. Should I get my old job back…

6. I think I might be ruining my life. What if this fails completely.

7. Oh, something is happening. Someone responded. What if it actually works the way I imagined.

8. I cannot afford to outsource that. I will have to figure it out myself.

9. I did it. Okay, I can do anything.

10. Next challenge. Next small win. Another obstacle. Another lesson…

And somewhere in between all of that, without noticing it, you launch.

While also realising you have created an enormous amount of responsibility alongside the opportunities you were chasing.

And then one day you look back and realise you are not quite the same person who started. Not because you planned to change. But because doing something genuinely hard in the face of uncertainty changes you whether you planned it or not.

That is the sequence nobody seems to talk about.

Because the reality is that doing something completely different, being responsible only to yourself, is a completely different game than the permission game you were trained to play your entire life.

And the identity gap you need to bridge to get there is many times bigger and more uncomfortable than any outcome people celebrate in their success stories suggests.

Or maybe I just missed the script? Also entirely possib

The only permission worth having

So the moral of the story is this.

You will never feel fully ready (girl please. everyone knows that).

Not at the beginning, not in the middle, and honestly not even after things start working.

And I have strongly came to a conclusion that the readiness is a myth. The right moment is not coming because it was never a moment to begin with. It is a decision.

But equally, trying is not an ultimatum.

It is rarely an irreversible choice. Most of the scary things we think will define us forever actually just define the next chapter, and chapters end and new ones begin whether we want or not.

So if the thing you want to try is reversible, and most things are, just go. The worst version of this is that you learn something and redirect (yes yes again we know but it’s not so simple..). The best version is that it works and you wonder why you waited so long.

TL;DR: The only permission worth having is yours. And the only way to get it is to stop waiting to be ready and give it to yourself.

-Maria

I am currently in the early weeks of building a consumer brand in Zürich and have also co-founded a digital marketing agency for financial services and health clinics. This Substack covers the story of that entrepreneurial journey every Sunday. On Wednesdays I write about style, mindset, career, and everything that builds the life alongside the business. If that resonates, I would love to have you follow along.

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The desire for creative freedom

I have always had many interests.

Sports but equally aesthetics, interior design, and fashion. Chess and technology and mathematics but also history and languages.

I studied law but pivoted to business because it felt more like me.

I have worked in some of the most regulated industries and actually inside a regulator, but equally I have always had projects and business ventures running on the side.

And that, if anything, is why I have never agreed with the idea that you pick one path and one corporate title and that becomes your whole identity.

I do enjoy the system, the logic, and the structure that comes with corporate roles, but I equally need a creative outlet where I have control over the outcome.

That is why I have always found myself doing more things alongside the main thing. Not because I have to but because I truly enjoy the combination.

Some might say you can find an employee role where all of these come together. Maybe. But when you do not find it, you can also create it.

And that is exactly why two years ago I co-founded a marketing agency for financial services firms, health clinics, and real estate and hospitality businesses based in Switzerland.

So here is the story of why and how I did it and the honest reality of it. Because I think someone needs to tell how these things actually evolve and what the expectations should really be.

Also, I find that there is very little European perspective on doing this.

All I seem to find are stories of US based freelancers who made 48k on the side of their 9 to 5 in the first month. If that is true, amazing. But my experience is quite different and I suspect the reality for most Europeans building something from scratch is too.

I hope this one helps anyone thinking about starting some kind of consulting or service business from scratch in Europe.

Hi, I am Maria and Così is my publication on building businesses, career, ambition, style, and life as it actually happens.

Articles every Wednesday and / or Sunday, from Zürich and around the world.

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September has always felt like the real start of the year to me.

Something about it resets everything. Probably left over from school days and the beginning of a new class.

It is like, after all the holidays and sun, there is this fresh energy and appetite for what comes next. And one of the best ways I know to bring that energy to life is to show up accordingly.

And what I mean by that is simple: to embody the person and the mindset you want to have, you need to start showing up as her. And for me, the first step is always dressing like you already got there.

This autumn, I am working on building a new business and bringing a completely new concept to life, which requires completely new levels of confidence, audacity, elegance, and vision from myself.

Some of those I have more than others.

And I know that to get where I am going I need to grow enormously as a person. I can do it. But it starts with showing up as her first.

So I guess this is a some form of manifesting.

You picture how she dresses, how she walks, how she carries herself. And then in real life you go and play that part. Day after day, one step closer to the person who made it possible.

So what does she wear, the woman who smoothly built a brand and a business in a country that is not hers, in a language that is not her mother tongue?

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Wearing the confidence

When I think about confidence I think about a person who is considerate and respectful but does not apologise for her opinions or her presence.

She does not over-explain. She knows her value, her style, and what makes her unique, and she is comfortable enough with herself that she does not need to make a number of it either.

She is the person who walks into a room, says nothing, and somehow everyone notices.

She has this energy that is so magnetic precisely because she knows she can do it without asking permission. Not arrogant. Just clear on where she comes from and where she is going.

If I think of a brand that embodies this, I think of Khaite first.

Their pieces are classic, elegant, and timeless which makes them reliable and easy to understand. But they also have character.

There is this quality and energy to them that makes the person wearing them speak louder without ever raising her voice or making a show. It is as if wearing Khaite you are quietly indicating: I got this. I am not afraid to go after what I want, and I do not need permission. I do not need to be in the spotlight to be seen.

It’s the ultimate if you know you know kind of confidence. And that is magnetic.

So on my shopping wish list this autumn: a few pairs of Khaite jeans, the boots I have been wanting for far too long, and one of their clutches to finally add a pop of color to my far too comfortably all-black wardrobe.

Wearing the audacity

Confidence is what gets you started. But to keep moving forward when you cannot see the whole path, you need a fair amount of audacity.

Sprinkled with some so called delulu thinking.

Because going after things that are not exactly normal and easy - like, moving to a new country, building a career in a completely different industry from the one you trained for, in general doing things that genuinely scare you - requires a belief in yourself that the evidence does not always support yet.

My way of training that muscle is to adopt first of all the mindset that you can and should be unapologetically yourself.

Not loud, not performative, but distinct. Someone who shows their true colors without waiting for permission.

And to dress that part, the best practice is in the details.

Think about: not so safe accessories, pieces that give you looks (good or bad). The kind of thing that makes someone think who does she think she is.

Because when you do something that not everyone before you has done, you need to be comfortable with the doubt, the strange looks, and the what on earth are you doing kind of comments.

After all, when you can stay completely unbothered by what others think and just show up as yourself anyway, you cannot go wrong.

You should never lose your voice or your vision just because the mainstream is pushing you somewhere else. You know what is right for you. And for your wardrobe.

This autumn for me it is oversized sunglasses, unexpected details and colors in bags and clothes. Nothing too crazy but enough to divide opinions.

And that is exactly the point - to spark some discussion.

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Wearing the elegance and vision

Finally, you need to dress the credibility.

Perhaps I have been biased by all those years in legal and banking environments, but if you look too much like an outlier when you need to convince and fit in, it is not working in your favor.

So, say you have an office job but you also have a character.

What that means is that you need to find a middle ground. Something that speaks the language of those around you so that you radiate the needed credibility, but equally carries some statement of who you are and how you see the world.

Clearly, this can mean many things. For me, it comes down to tailoring and the unexpected use of material.

You have something in your style that signals you understand all the layers. Something that tells people you have opinions and standards.

In my wishlist for this fall, this means classy knitwear from brands like Rohé, but with that unexpected detail or cut that makes it interesting.

And when they say “I love your cardigan, where did you get that”, you can be sure that you have a point of view that speaks, and people want to listen.

What it is really about

Ultimately, it is never about clothes for the sake of having them or following trends.

It is about the statement, first and foremost, for yourself. Because how you dress, like it or not, is a story you keep telling yourself about yourself every single day.

And I am not saying you need to go crazy shopping every three months. Not at all. But you should feel empowered in your choices. Even if that means wearing the same outfit on repeat.

This is how you manifest her. One outfit at a time.

Now, I would love to hear your go-to brands for feeling like the version of yourself who already made it.

- Maria

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Going to bed early enough to wake up well rested for the next day, wearing clothes I actually liked and not just anything, having dresses tailored, eating food that was fresh and tasted like something real.

If something could be done properly, why would you do it any other way?

I genuinely assumed high standards were what everyone was after.

It turned out that was not the case at all.

1. Knowing what you don’t want is a skill

The more I traveled and the more I saw, the more I started hearing it.

That I was too demanding. Focusing on unnecessary details. Asking too much. That I should just be happy with whatever was given.

And I was happy with what I had. That was never the point.

The point was that wherever the effort and the outcome were up to me, I wanted to make sure it was done well.

Some call that perfectionism. I call it refusing to settle for the bare minimum.

And what I have noticed over the years is that most people have a rough idea of what they want. But knowing what you will not accept, and actually holding that line, is where the real clarity and direction comes from.

Because once you have it, it becomes almost impossible to be genuinely satisfied with something that is just okay.

You can tolerate it. You can make it work for a while. But you will always know the difference between what you have and what you actually wanted.

And that clarity, that inability to pretend something is right when it is not, that is not a flaw.

It is the clearest form of self knowledge you can have. It just does not always feel that way when everyone around you thinks you are being difficult.

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2. Every no has a real cost. Pay it anyway.

Let me be specific because abstract principles are easy to agree with until you actually have to live them.

I turned down a role at Google.

Not because it was not impressive — it was, and I knew exactly how it would look on a CV and what doors it would open.

But the location did not work, the role itself did not fit where I was trying to go at the time, and something about the whole picture just did not feel right.

Most people thought I had lost my mind. A few told me directly I was making a mistake I would regret.

I have not regretted it.

On a completely different scale, I stopped buying fast fashion years ago.

Not as a moral statement, though the reasons are there, but because I kept buying things that felt like a compromise the moment I got home. Pieces that were almost right. Good enough for now. And then never quite worn with the confidence I wanted. The money spent, the wardrobe full, and somehow nothing to wear.

Both decisions cost something.

The Google role cost me the validation of a name on my CV and a lot of raised eyebrows and yes the forever “what if”.

The fast fashion decision costs me more patience and more money per piece.

Neither felt comfortable at the time from a short term satisfaction point of view.

But the alternative always cost more in the long run.

And yes, people find it annoying.

When you set limits, when you say no to things that look perfectly reasonable from the outside. For many it reads as arrogance or rigidity.

But it is neither.

It is just knowing which energy serves you and which one drains you, and being honest enough with yourself to act on that even when it is inconvenient.

3. Settling always costs more than waiting

What I have learned from every time I did settle is that you pay twice.

Once for the almost right thing.

And once again when you eventually go back and pursue the right thing anyway, because you always do.

The second best option is never really a solution. It is just delayed dissatisfaction with extra steps.

But the discomfort is in the fact that the choices that actually fit do not always arrive on a predictable schedule.

And that is the real cost of high standards that nobody talks about.

It is not the nos. It is the uncertainty of not knowing when the right yes is coming.

The anxiety of the gap between what exists and what you are waiting for and that gap can be long. It requires you to sit with discomfort that most people resolve by lowering their standards, which works until it does not.

So the lesson, if there is one, is this. Stick to them. Do not apologise when you say no.

Every no is equally a yes for something that is actually right for you.

And the right things, when they arrive, do not require you to convince yourself they are enough.

I am not saying never be flexible. Context matters and so does timing. But there is a difference between flexibility and surrender. One is intelligent adaptation. The other is giving up on something you were right about.

You already know the difference. Trust that.

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I thought about this for a while.

Should the story be told when it has not been written yet? When there is no happy ending to confirm it was worth sharing? Does it have any value to anyone before the outcome is clear?

Then I saw a note on Substack where someone wrote something like “everyone has it so figured out on Instagram, thank god I came here and realised that is not the case.”

So I decided. Let’s share the story of ambition and bad luck in equal measure. Because this is what I would have wanted to read years ago myself.

To see that even when things don’t go your way, you can still have your way if you just dare.

What follows is a series of episodes on the journey of becoming self-made and resourceful no matter what. Or better said, refusing to take any “no” as a dead end but rather as a catalyst for a different option.

You can call it choosing entrepreneurship.

I prefer to call it maximising what you have, the full range of your skills, your instincts, your experience, and knowing when to use which. And never putting all your bets on one basket, because the basket might not be yours to keep.

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And then something shifted. In the economy, in technology, in society.

By force and by choice.

Short term contracts and project based work became the norm, and the advanced degree became less of a differentiator and more of a prerequisite just to be considered.

You needed experience to get your first internship but could not get experience without one.

You got in but on a fixed term contract. When the budget ran out the juniors were cut first. And just like that, così, you were back on the street looking for the next role.

At some point you cannot help but ask: what is the point of chasing a corporate career when you have no control over it, you are required to almost beg for roles below your level, and in the end you are basically forced to take whatever lands on your lap just to survive?

When is the infamous stability actually supposed to arrive?

I have seen this happen over and over, to others and to myself. And it has led me to one conclusion: we need to change what we expect from a career and what progress actually means.

That shift, I think, brings a lot of relief.

Because once you see each job or project as a standalone piece of a portfolio rather than a step on a linear ladder, everything looks different.

Each role served a purpose. Each one taught you something. On each, you were in control. It does not matter how disconnected or unrelated they seemed at the time.

And when you see the value of each period on its own terms, you stop explaining yourself. You stop justifying gaps. You stop questioning whether it all makes sense. Because it does.

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The power law career

If that still does not convince you, think about a venture capitalist.

VCs operate on the assumption of the power law. Returns are not distributed evenly across a portfolio, and most investments return nothing. But then there is the one that returns 100x the initial capital and covers everything else.

Applied to a career and projects, the same logic holds.

Not everything you ever do will bring enormous payback. But when you are not betting everything on one single path, the chances are that one project, one role, one side bet will return tenfold what all the others combined ever did.

That is where the beauty of the power law lies in careers, skills, and side projects.

And this is also why trying many things is not scattered. It is a risk management strategy.

But yes, easier said than done

Maybe this feels too radical. Maybe you do not know where to start or how to get rid off the conditioning of the linear path model.

Nonetheless, the over-explaining and self criticism has to stop as each phase and decision had its purpose.

And it is good to remember, even the most serious serial entrepreneurs question their efforts at times and whether getting “a real job” would be the right option, which just shows how difficult it is to do something that goes against the common expectation.

But when there is something you want to do and create, and which is beyond the linear expectations, you should go for it.

And equally, when there is no other option than doing something beyond your proven path, you should go for it.

In the end, choosing your approach to career is really about choosing which challenges you are willing to deal with.

The challenge of searching for that one perfectly matching next job for months with no guarantee of finding it, with no other proof of progress in the meantime. Or the challenge of stepping into the unknown, doing something unconventional, learning fast and on the go.

Don’t get me wrong: A linear career that just makes sense is a genuinely good thing. When you have it and you enjoy it, that is perfect. It is just that there is no guarantee of keeping it, which is the problem.

So, in the end it is about risks and rewards.

Where do you want to play it safe and where do you want to take the bet.

But one thing is certain: the rules have changed and there is no going back.

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A new hobby, a new relationship, moving abroad, starting a business. Something you had not done before and which would on some level change your character or how others perceive you.

You are so excited about whatever you are about to do, but at the same time you just cannot keep yourself consistent or accountable. There always seems to be something more urgent to do or somewhere else to be. Even when you know in the back of your head that is not really the case.

It is as if your brain is saying: no, don’t do that, you don’t know how, that is uncomfortable and we don’t feel at ease with this. Let’s go back to the familiar.

And I think that is the most dangerous moment when you are about to do something character changing.

Yes, you can dance with those feelings for a while. After all, your nervous system needs some time to get used to the new idea and the new identity the change brings along. That is fair.

But equally, it is exactly in those moments when you need to stop listening to the feeling of unease for too long. Instead, embrace it. Take it as a sign that yes, this is exactly the feeling you should have when you are about to do something worth doing.

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I have faced that feeling so many times.

When moving abroad for the first time, which was honestly the most nervous system resetting experience I can remember.

When starting the gym and Pilates for the first time many years ago.

When realising that after my law degree I was not going to continue practicing law but instead do what was more in line with my actual interests.

And then maybe the most brain chemistry changing of all: deciding to set up a business and let go of the mental reliance on corporate stability, which I think is less and less real anyway and is a dangerous thing to build an identity around when you have no control over it.

But here is the spoiler: whenever you do something that challenges your thinking and your status quo, you will most likely grow enormously and become more the person you actually are. At least that is what I believe.

So to whoever is thinking about doing something that would change them: do it. Block the time. Create the space. Set up a system that keeps you accountable. Force yourself if you have to. And most importantly, commit to it for a trial period and do not judge the results before it is over.

Which is exactly what I am doing here with this Substack, currently sitting at around six subscribers, trying not to judge the outcome but just committing to the process and genuinely loving it.

And I bet that after the trial you will first of all be very proud of yourself, which already makes you more confident. But you will also have something to show, something to talk about, and that alone makes you one step more interesting than you were before. Not that you weren’t already but you get the point.

Let’s do it.

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But also true that if you don’t like what you are wearing, you care. And that shows up.

So which one matters more? I think we agree.

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About power dressing

Whether we like it or not, our appearance and how we carry ourselves is one of the first things we communicate in a room, before ever opening our mouth.

In all its simplicity, power dressing is not about logos or being fashionable. It is about looking like you take yourself seriously, which equally makes you feel serious - or competent maybe a better word for it. Nothing dramatic, just no noise.

And then there is the internal side.

What you wear unconsciously affects your standards and how you behave. At least for me. I am much more likely to make uncomfortable calls and do difficult things when I am not in my slippers and pyjamas.

So when I shop, I go for pieces that have something to say even when I sit quiet. Keeping the baseline simple but always having something unexpected is what powers it all up.

6 favorite brands that dress you in confidence

What makes these six listed brands special, is that you can so clearly distinguish the character they are.

The brand voice they have is so strong, that you either love them or you hate them. And that is usually also what goes hand in hand with confidence and being assertive.

So, if I should just use six brands for all my clothing, they would be these ones:

1. Rohe

Amsterdam based, quiet in the best way.

Rohe’s quality and tailoring is the standard everything else should be measured against. I have several pieces from them, including a leather jacket that gets stopped on the street more than I can count, and I reach for them day after day. There is something about wearing Rohe that just puts you on top of it all.

2. Khaite

Khaite is for the woman who has already decided.

New York cool, quietly powerful, the kind of dressed that makes a room adjust. The quality is exceptional and the proportions are made for women with a real frame. If you are tall and have spent years searching for jeans that actually fit, this is the answer.

3. Almada Label

Almada Label is a Finnish brand I have followed since day one. It is the ultimate sophisticated easy dressing brand with effortless cuts and incredibly comfortable materials, the kind of pieces that look considered without trying.

4. COS

COS is the best high street brand out there, no competition.

The quality to price ratio is unmatched and the basics always come with a quiet twist that makes them feel like more. Probably half of my everyday wardrobe is from them.

5. Alaïa

Alaïa is pure art. A character so strong you either feel it or you don’t.

My wishlist has been full of it for as long as I can remember.

6. Ferragamo

Ferragamo is one of those brands that feels so effortlessly approachable. Elegant with a classy edge and somehow always the nicest customer service you will ever encounter. A dangerous place for me to go because I rarely walk out empty handed.

Any other brands that just have that “something”, which I forgot?

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Equally, if I should name one skill I find most crucial for navigating a career, living abroad, building businesses, and keeping it all together, it is the tolerance for uncertainty, detours, and exhaustion combined with the ability to plan in an ordered way.

For that reason I find orienteering likely one of the most underrated sports out there.

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What orienteering actually is

For those who don’t know, in all its simplicity it is navigating in a forest with a map from one control point to another.

There is no support or anything in the deep forest indicating your way. It is just you, your compass, and the trust in yourself that you can do it and you can get out from there.

And it is physically very demanding, which makes rational and spotless decision making and choosing of routes even more challenging.

Why I think about it differently now

Funnily, I have never really written about the sport or made a big number of it.

But when I think about it, there are very few occasions in modern life where you can train those skills at the same time and be put in a situation where you really need to find the strength and ability from within. No panic allowed.

I ran my first competition when I was six years old and it just came so naturally to me.

Understanding the patterns, translating the abstract map to read the terrain, the ambition to optimise the route and come out without errors and as fast as I could. And it is today more than ever that I realise how much that sport has given me and how many lessons it holds for everyone.

The orienteer mode for business & life

Not everyone needs to go to the forest to learn those lessons.

But especially when I am building a business in an industry from the ground up (more about that later), I find myself going into the orienteer mode. The rules are surprisingly the same in business and in anything worth of pursuing.

1. Know your next most crucial step before everything else.

2. Have your direction correct.

3. Simplify the route where you can and remember the shortest route is not always the best.

4. Focus on details only when it is necessary for going forward.

5. Slow down when there is too much to handle.

6. And most importantly, my biggest weakness, just before you are about to reach the objective, stay focused till the end and never assume you are there yet.

7. And finally, there will be many people along the way who seem to have a point of view, go faster, or look like they have it all together. Don’t let that trick you. Stay on your path and trust yourself.

I have built more in the forest than I ever did in a classroom. And I am only now starting to understand how much of what I do today started there, and how much of those lessons are applicable for anyone who wants to go forward in business and life.

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We do many things, are talented in many things, and lots of content and advice out there doesn’t reflect that. And I got tired of reading content that was too polished and too niche to feel real.

So that is my approach to this Substack. To not niche down, but to focus on the big picture and how it all comes together.

Business building, career, personal development, taste, doing uncomfortable things, lifestyle and travel. Not one thing. All of it.

Not advice, but unscripted observations.

Happy to have you along!

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Sending emails to people who do not know you exist, calling in German when you are not quite there yet with the language (I’m like B1 so…), pitching a business idea to someone who has no reason yet to believe in it.

All of it deeply uncomfortable, if you ask me.

The hardest part in these things is not knowing what to expect. Because when you cannot predict the reaction, you cannot really prepare a defence. So you just go in and hope you come up with something.

However, after enough frustration and the feeling that nothing was working, I decided I had to change my approach. I was done.

Because the problem was never the cold outreach. The problem was that I was thinking about it as a defence instead of a story. And those are two completely different things.

And that’s when I came across The Pitch by Danny Fontaine while randomly visiting a book store in London.

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It is not about you

I think we all know this but again it is not so easy to override as the default setting.

Anyway, the moment I stopped thinking about what I needed to say and started thinking about what the other person needed to feel, everything kind of shifted in my outcomes.

Think about it.

An interview, an investor meeting, a cold email, or just being an interesting person in a room.

All of these are moments where you need the other person to feel something. And to make them feel something you need to take them somewhere, not explain yourself to them.

Most of us pitch from a place of wanting to be understood. But that is not a story. That is a CV reading.

The brutal truth about who has the advantage

Some people have a head start on this. The voice, the posture, the appearance, the people you know, what is on the CV.

Yes, all of that can matter.

But here is what I have seen: it becomes secondary the moment your pitch is strong enough.

I genuinely believe this.

A strong enough story overrides almost everything else in the room.

What actually matters

Fontaine breaks it down into six things.

1. Why now,

2. what the vision is,

3. what the challenges are,

4. what you bring to the table,

5. what you need from the other person,

6. and why there is no better option than you.

Simple on paper, everything in the execution.

But beyond the framework, what I actually think makes the difference is this: Make the other person feel what your end customer feels or you feel.

Read the room because no tone works everywhere.

And if you can, skip the deck. Do something unexpected because the unexpected is what gets remembered.

And keep your cool

Know your non-negotiables before you walk in. You do not have to agree to everything just to win the room or be liked.

The strongest impression is almost always left by someone who is clear on what they will not move on. That is not arrogance. That is the whole pitch.

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I have always had a hard time adapting to that way of thinking.

Because no matter what you do, that experience compounds and moves with you. The lateral move that looked weird, the industry you left, the thing you built that nobody understood yet. It all follows you, quietly accumulating into something that is entirely yours.

And that is the version of a career I keep coming back to. Not the predictable one, but the one you build deliberately, where what you accumulate actually belongs to you.

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The index fund problem

I keep coming back to investing when I think about this. The way investors think about benchmarks, leverage, and where value actually lives turns out to be a good way to think about a career too.

Think about it, most people manage their careers like an index fund: stay in the right industry, collect the right titles, track roughly with their peer group. Completely fine but this is also the definition of zero alpha.

And don't get me wrong here, it entirely depends what you want and whether that is good or bad.

In investing, alpha is the return you generate beyond the benchmark. In your career it is everything you build that does not fit neatly in a job description: judgment, assets, reputation with the right people. The gap between a good CV and someone who actually creates outcomes.

Choose your benchmark

If your internal benchmark is people your age in similar roles, you have already capped your upside. You are tracking a market you did not choose and have no control over.

A better benchmark is the version of you who took slightly scarier assignments, shipped things in public, and treated each role as a launchpad and learning opportunity rather than a destination or as a proof of value.

Where your value actually lives

Career alpha comes from asymmetric bets.

From the strange, unconventional, and unexpected things you did. The project that was not in your job description but put your name on something visible. The lateral move that looked strange on LinkedIn but gave you proximity to decisions rather than just execution. The writing, the side work, the relationships that compound quietly.

But only if that value follows you. If all your usefulness is trapped inside one company’s systems, you do not own your upside. When you leave, most of it disappears. And that can be decades worth of work and proof.

Instead, alpha is what travels with you: a point of view people recognise, skills that work across contexts, people who pick up your call regardless of what is on your email signature.

And often we only see the compounded value of all of it on the day our employer changes strategy and suddenly we are not as safe as we thought.

The cold water moment.

The one that forces you to pivot and reinvent your path, whether you are ready or not. And that is exactly when you are grateful you have more than one story to tell and more than one thing to sell.

So play it deliberately

In all its simplicity, career alpha is simply deciding you will not move purely on autopilot.

You choose your benchmark, you place deliberate bets, you build things that keep paying you back even when the org chart does not.

Your career will move anyway. Markets shift, companies restructure, priorities change. And you should be in control.

Originally published at mariaespo.com

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